Press Conference by the Tokyo Electric Power Company (TEPCO)
Dear People of Japan,
You may have heard from *someone* (squinty eyes in the direction of foreign countries and press), that due to the earthquake and tsunami, reactors at the Onagawa Nuclear Power Plant have been compromised. I cannot emphasize enough how untrue this is. Mostly. Believe me: we have things under control. I dare say things are peachy.
(TEPCO employee whispers in ear)
Well, uh, it would seem that our backup generators are, uh, oh the fritz. But fear not! We've got it oh so covered. There's a whole ocean out there just full of cold water we can use to fix this. Same stuff that caused the problem. Oh, the ironing is delicious! I mean, irony. I mean, things are peachy.
(sound of explosion)
Er, uh, Blam! Kablooie! Oh, excuse me, it must have been that *bean* I ate at dinner. This press conference is over.
bahahahaha! (^O^)
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